Day 101

This will sound weird. I have swapped my study slippers for my house slippers. Broadcasting standing up, I noticed that, because the (now ex) study slippers just have their back folded down, it was uncomfortable to stand in them for any length of time, as the folded down edge cut into the sole of my foot. So I have actually been broadcasting and doing any other standing in here in my socks, and, although the floor is insulated it, still quite cold, and I had the feeling that the cold was travelling up my legs and making everything cold. The (now ex) house slippers don’t have a back, so I can just stand in them without anything cutting into my feet. Hence the swap. And now I’m standing here typing and my feet are warm, having finally transferred soe of my writing tools to this other machine (broadcasting) in the study. And yesterday’s mumblings were written standing here in my socks. Silly little details which make me sound like a fussy stander, but if it helps, it helps. A standing desk attachment for my work desk should arrive today, so we’ll see how that goes.

I did ask myself yesterday if standing up to write was actually inhibiting my creativity, because I found it very difficult to write the post and Aggie. Perhaps it was because it was the first time ever that I tried to write a sustained narrative standing up. All this is odd and new to me, but I’m at the stage where I need to try everything to get back to my back functioning normally. And, yes, I am doing stretches and relaxations etc etc, and it does all help, although it still leaves me wondering if there is an other pain-free side for me to get through to. When I was really struggling with my back in 2003 (I think) in Norway, when I was having acupuncture two or three times a week, when I was coming out on the other side, I came across an article that talked about how back pain was actually the manifestation of fear, that back pain didn’t actually really exist, and that helped me a lot at the time. I tried to find it online yesterday (I had saved it to my favourites in my browser at the time, but that was probably 10 machines ago, at least), but couldn’t. I instead found any number of interesting articles about how fear can cause and then further back pain because the fear of pain can cause muscle tension, unhealthy posture, over protection (and resulting poor biomechanics), and a host of other issues. So combatting fear is actually the best way t look after your back. It’s just that combatting fear, any fear, is actually easier said than done.

My alarm went off way after M’s (which I didn’t hear), so I’m exhausted and running late, and need some breakfast.

What struck me about yesterday’s writing is that writing is weird without anything of the author in it. Emotionless isn’t good.

AGGIE’S ART OF HAPPINESS – CHAPTER 58