Day 193

It’s warmish, but the sun hasn’t really been shining today, which does put a bit of a downer on the whole thing, and makes it feel less like summer than ever. The warmth is nice, but it’s too humid and muggy, that sort of no-man’s land of a summer that England seems to specialise in – irrelevant, insignificant, mediocre; a bit like the country itself although, in its own little mind, and the little minds of the Tory politicians fighting over who can be the next corrupt czar of this pimple on the backside of the world. Will the next Prime Minister be a convicted criminal before he even accedes to the throne bolstered with friends’ and a certain Russian’s money? Probably. That says a lot about the current state of the country, doesn’t it? As does the fact the government, unjustifiably, and without precedent, has denied the Labour Party a motion of No Confidence in that government, despite the Commons clerks approving the motion. This is in the same league of illegality as the proroguing of Parliament was. It is a dictatorship we live in. I am still predicting that Johnson will be in 10 Downing Street in December. Watch this space.

My first acupuncture treatment since we got back. After I’d told my practitioner about the week we’d had since we got back (bear in mind this is 5 Elements acupuncture, which includes a lot of talking, almost therapy), she said she was pleasantly surprised at how resilient I was, and that it was obvious the holiday had been good for my mental and physical health, and that me continuing my stretches is also supporting my mental health. I’m very pleased about that. Interestingly enough, when she’d put in the needles and left me for 20 minutes, I automatically got a vision of the beach in Agios Nikolaos behind my eyes rather than the invented safe place I’d developed when I went to a monthly meditation class (which I miss) when I still lived in Stradbroke. This really chimes with this feeling I had when we were in AN (and since we’ve got back) that it is a special place, not just because it gave us a holiday, but intrinsically. I want to dig out a lot more about its history.

One change in my life that I’ve made that I think is supporting this resilience (although I must admit I am still not that sure that I am being particularly resilient) is the decision never to play cricket again. It has taken a distraction and preoccupation out of my life that had been an ever-present since 2006. Without getting boring and going into too much detail, I hadn’t really enjoyed specific aspects of the game itself for the past few years, and was always asking myself, when in the field, why I was wasting such a long time doing something that wasn’t fun for me anymore. I am now not dreading Saturdays, not feeling all churned up on a Saturday morning, not shaking with nerves, and not berating myself in the aftermath of a game. Written down, those really are stark negatives that I’ve removed from my life. The thing is, and I spoke about this with my practitioner this morning, I don’t know how long I have left in this life, and I want to be able to spend my time doing things I enjoy and am good at. It is a relief, this. And, actually, I’m fitter than I have been for a long time. I saw a couple of the lads at the Radio Stradbroke Music Day on Saturday, and they said how well I looked – I said it’s because I’m not playing cricket anymore.

This is progress.

AGGIE’S ART OF HAPPINESS – CHAPTER 146